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I Was Wondering If Anyone Cares To Share Their Thoughts: Why Hurting People Tend To Hurt Those They Love? (3806 hits)

Unsung DeBarge

Breathe On Me-- Mama DeBarge

For those of you who remember the group DeBarge (composed of 5 family members similar to the Jackson 5) who were catapulted onto the music scene back in early 80's, the lead singer El DeBarge is back and with a fury! Although I had no idea what happened to the DeBarges at the time they seemingly evaporated into thin air as suddenly as they had appeared.

I saw El make his comeback on the BET Music Awards and was surprised as well as elated to see him singing with that beautiful falsetto voice that he as well as his late eldest brother Robert "Bobby" Louis DeBarge (of Motown's "Switch") are known for; Tommy DeBarge was also apart of "Switch" and that was one of the (as Don Cornelius would say) "funkiest and baddiest" groups ever! It (his music sound and clean lyrics) was refreshing to hear El sing again.

El DeBarge has a CD entitled, “Second Chance" and what a second chance he's getting after being incarcerated which I had no idea, because this was during the time I was heavy into "being religious" and not following anything secular but that's another blog for another day.

The point of this blog, 'Why Hurting People Tend To Hurt Those They Love' is to reflect our thoughts on the cycle of pain, addiction, and self hate that many people encounter. After becoming re-infatuated with the DeBarges, I learned of the great matriarch of the family Etterlene "Mama D" DeBarge who has written a book chronicling the accounts of the hurt and pain her late husband, Robert Louis DeBarge, Sr. inflicted upon her and their 10 children. Papa DeBarge was alledged to have abused some his older children both s*xually and physically which may have contributed to the entire DeBarge family's cycle of pain, addiction, and self hate.

Although El's older brother Bobby didn't get to have the second chance he desired after being released from prison due to complications AIDS, he left two handsome heirs. El, his mother, and sister Bunny, the only female mbr of DeBarge are all telling their very powerful stories, but will people listen to their collective message(s) of hurt, pain, addiction, and self hate? Why is it that hurting people tend to hurt those they love?

To Learn more about Mama DeBarge's & her family's story---"The Other Side of the Pain" Go To>>>

http://www.mamadebarge.com/
http://www.myspace.com/mamadebarge

Posted By: Jen Fad
Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 12:25PM
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GIRL... MY GROUP... SWITCH with both Bobby and Tommy DeBarge, then left to collaborate with their younger siblings DeBarge!!! DRUGS.... DRUGS to every last one of them!! 10 kids... 10 battled with drugs!!! Go figure!!! If you go to youtube and search for DeBarge Unsung... they will tell you a heart felt, sad, story of abuse and the ugly effects that stains the children!!!!

Oh Juicy... check out Heatwave... remember Always and Forever, Boogie Nights, Mind Blowing Decisions ((I just read up on them and cried and cried))

OH here's my PSA...... El Debarge's CD is HOT!!!
Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 12:54PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis

AWESOME!!!
Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 1:00PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis

Sister Cynthia,
Thanks for reminding me of Tommy also being apart of Switch--- I'm adding his name to the blog and thanks for the tip on the Unsung Utube Clip, I added it! It's sad girl but after every storm, the sun does shine again. Did you notice that the DeBarges have overcome through their faith in God which I suspect is due to Mama D praying them through? Reminds me of the song " Praying Grandmother" ... who was that who sang that song... her name slips my mind at the moment.... HELEN BAYLOR~Ha!

Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 1:12PM
Jen Fad

Jen, you raised a very thought provoking question. The Debarge stories are almost similar to the Jackson family. From birth we are programmed to love your family no matter what. I've never been a victm of abuse, but it's sad how sometimes the people in your own family that you are programmed to love and trust are the same ones that do the most harm to you...
Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 1:32PM
Siebra Muhammad

Jen...this is superior insight of a famous Black Family. All the emotions, joys and pain. Just as many other families share it entails how families rich or poor famous of plain all have similiar circumstances of life. Nice blog.
Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 1:35PM
MIISRAEL Bride

their father was just plain ole sick!!!! yea the mom said she would leave but would have to return because no one wanted to deal with her and all of her babies....

I say the testimony of El, James and Mark... girl they are really trying to keep it together...

I hope and pray they stay focused to the skies... beause Drug Addiction is something else to shake... I have seen the devistations of heroin... people talk about Crack, Cocaine... HEROIN!!! enuff said
Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 1:41PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis

Yes Sister Siebra you hit the nail dead on its head when you related The DeBarge's story of pain, addiction, and self hate to being similar to the Jacksons'! Did you know that it was Jermaine who helped the group "Switch" get recorded which subsequently led to the DeBarges being signed to Motown Records as well?

It's ironic that these two family's stories interwine with the key theme of the patriachs of the family inflicting pain on their wives and children (people they loved). It is often said that those who abuse have also been on the receiving end of similar types of abuse.

Sister Siebra I know how you feel about Joe Jackson, but doesn't it make you wonder just a "little bit" whether Joe is crazy because he was molested or physically abused by his father? At any rate, I just wanted to acknowledge Miisrael's comments that "this stuff" (abuse) isn't limited to poor people. Let's talk some Sister Cynthia regarding this Huge Issue that also affects so many of our families and friends although it might not play out in drug addiction all the time, but what about unwed mothers havng multiple babies from different men, teen pregnacies, high school drop outs, prostitution, etc....

I want to be like Oprah when I grow up so for now let me practice.

"How did the pattern of abuse by the Patriachs lead to dysfunction although both families had the presence of both their parents in the home?" Join me guys in " why hurting people tend to hurt the ones they love." .... ((giggling))

Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 3:21PM
Jen Fad

Jen now that you mentioned it, I agree that Joe Jackson's abuse towards his children may have been due in part to abuse that he suffered as the hands of his father. And I agree that Joe Jackson should have sought some therapy.

And yes, it is often said that those who abuse have also been on the receiving end of similar types of abuse. When I was working as a teacher's assistant there was this 10 year old girl...who was one of our most out of control students...we never really knew why she was so violent and liked to hit the students and teachers in the classroom until the day the social worker shared with me that the child's father physically abused her as well as her mother.

I am glad to see that Mama Debarge is refusing to be a victim and is beginning to speak out. She is learning to fear LESS and live MORE.
Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 4:45PM
Siebra Muhammad

Yes
Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 6:08PM
Siebra Muhammad

@ Sister Siebra,
It seems like a no brainer to you and me that people should seek help therapy. Help is available, but Joe is still in denial to this day, but Katherine isn't. Unlike Mama DeBarge, Katherine was physically abused but perhaps she suffered a lot of emotional abuse from Joe's infidelity.

Do you think the bigger issue the Huge Veil of Silence present in many Black communities contributes to people not seeking therapy? If yes, how can this change? Even though the Jacksons could afford to pay for therapy, how many of them sought it? How many of the DeBarges sought therapy before the law intervened?

It's ironic that Joe Jackson has often stated that his kids didn't end up dead or on drugs like some of the neighborhood friends. Although I think his intentions were good, his plan backfired because MJ is not with us anymore. The veil has to be broken in order for the cycles of pain, addiction, and abuse to stop.

Thursday, December 30th 2010 at 7:52PM
Jen Fad

I agree!
Friday, December 31st 2010 at 3:01PM
Siebra Muhammad

@ Sister Siebra,

What is it that you agree on? You don't think I'm going to let you off that easily, do you? Ha! Please, all jokes aside -- what point is it that you agree on and why?
Friday, December 31st 2010 at 3:24PM
Jen Fad

I agree with your statement "The veil has to be broken in order for the cycles of pain, addiction, and abuse to stop."

Friday, December 31st 2010 at 4:44PM
Siebra Muhammad

oic and thanks for thanking the time to clarify that although the veils will continue for generations more...
Friday, December 31st 2010 at 8:05PM
Jen Fad

Wasn't one of these sons married to Janet Jackson for a hot moment? (smile)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA